I feel like snapping into two, fragile like dry twigs under the scorching sun. I don't know how much longer I can stand it. The agressiveness of it, the lack of personal space, bounded wings, physical and mental energy, pressure and stress. It's tearing me inside and there's always a voice in my head that tells me to give up. I feel like a dormant volcano with pressure building up inside the magma chamber, ready to shoot through the vent through the pipes to erupt into a violent fit. Sometimes I just get so tired of it. And yet, I know that I CARE about it. I care about the outcome and how I should NOT screw up on the actual day, how I should NOT disappoint anyone. But it just gets so draining at times I feel like slamming myself against the wall. ashdjhahdahgdd
IT WILL BE WORTH IT. IT WILL BE WORTH IT. IT WILL BE WORTH IT. arghhh.
All my papers were some major screwed up shitz, which adds to this apathetic feeling that I have. They were really really screwed up. I've never scored so lousy for my final semester before! And it's not like I did not mug. I did okay and yet I'm scoring pretty lousy marks when it doesn't justify my effort. But oh well, life is unfair so I should just shut up and make lemonade with the lemons that I'm given.I feel really frustrated right now. Sometimes I just feel like going on some really scary roller coaster ride, or even the wild wild wet ride where Shing/Fat and I sat and screamed our hearts out would suffice, to scream and release the bottled up feelings of having disappointed someone, having to try so hard but failing etc. Arghh.
Milo was like my lightbulb today. :-) Hehe Shing and I went classtray and then we saw her so I said hi and she turned back and gave this really wide sweet smile and waved back. <3 That little smile instantly made me less depressed over my *^%^$ results. It's amazing how the littlest things go a long distance. :') (Call me mad whatever I don't give a damn about what you think.)
Why are things still so awkward between us?
But wait your everything can change. In a moments time you don't have to be afraid. Because fear is just a lie. Open up your eyes.
tired of chasing after things that don't belong, tired of struggling to impress, tired of trying too hard then falling so hard, tired of heartaches, tired of getting back on track, tired of facades; facades that last only to reveal the inside that you'd desperately tried to conceal
I feel like snapping into two, fragile like dry twigs under the scorching sun. I don't know how much longer I can stand it. The agressiveness of it, the lack of personal space, bounded wings, physical and mental energy, pressure and stress. It's tearing me inside and there's always a voice in my head that tells me to give up. I feel like a dormant volcano with pressure building up inside the magma chamber, ready to shoot through the vent through the pipes to erupt into a violent fit. Sometimes I just get so tired of it. And yet, I know that I CARE about it. I care about the outcome and how I should NOT screw up on the actual day, how I should NOT disappoint anyone. But it just gets so draining at times I feel like slamming myself against the wall. ashdjhahdahgdd
IT WILL BE WORTH IT. IT WILL BE WORTH IT. IT WILL BE WORTH IT. arghhh.
All my papers were some major screwed up shitz, which adds to this apathetic feeling that I have. They were really really screwed up. I've never scored so lousy for my final semester before! And it's not like I did not mug. I did okay and yet I'm scoring pretty lousy marks when it doesn't justify my effort. But oh well, life is unfair so I should just shut up and make lemonade with the lemons that I'm given.I feel really frustrated right now. Sometimes I just feel like going on some really scary roller coaster ride, or even the wild wild wet ride where Shing/Fat and I sat and screamed our hearts out would suffice, to scream and release the bottled up feelings of having disappointed someone, having to try so hard but failing etc. Arghh.
Milo was like my lightbulb today. :-) Hehe Shing and I went classtray and then we saw her so I said hi and she turned back and gave this really wide sweet smile and waved back. <3 That little smile instantly made me less depressed over my *^%^$ results. It's amazing how the littlest things go a long distance. :') (Call me mad whatever I don't give a damn about what you think.)
Why are things still so awkward between us?
But wait your everything can change. In a moments time you don't have to be afraid. Because fear is just a lie. Open up your eyes.
