I've been thinking quite alot these few days, especially after eventful Friday that left me filled with warmth. :)
I've been thinking about psb, Milo and subject combi.
I've decided the subject combi that I want. I don't know i somehow feel good about it, but then it's really weird that I never dreamt that i would take this subject combi before.
Chem Bio History Lit. Honestly it never crossed my mind before until I asked Ting Fang on the train to school one day and she told me that it was her combi. Even after she told me I didn't have much an attachment to it. In fact I was thinking that it was a combi that I would not consider. But it ended up in my subject combi form which I already submitted. First choice. How ironic in that sense. :)
I guess there's no turning back. No turning back that I will never learn about physics in my life, that i will know absolutely zero about kinematics and all those shit (yeah it's my third choice but I'm hoping that I won't get to do this.) In a sense, I feel really wasted that I'm not taking everyone's best option- triple science. I feel my heart bleeding for the fact that I won't have as much opportunities as the rest of the school population will have. That I have just gladly cut off 1/3 of the job opportunities in the world. Honestly I still have no idea what my dream job is. In my head, I'm thinking psychiatrist, but I wanna do it because it sounds cool, not because it's my passion. I'm still waiting for a guide, a direction, where that passion will start infusing my heart and give me some sort of motivation and clue about what I want to do with life.
I think that after these few long days of serious contemplation, following what you like will get you further. It's part of Milo's motto too. Doing triple science will make you a much better person academically, but if you hate it, if you pull out all your hair over physics, if you wanna kill yourself everyday over it, if you feel apathetic about life because you can't stand studying physics, I don't see the point. What's with putting yourself through so much hell then? Maybe I'm convincing myself even now that my choice is the best so that I won't regret. But even so, I think I'm doing a good job convincing my heart. I seriously hope that I won't regret. Well, doesn't life suck by throwing you dilemmas like these? :(
I've also been analysing things that Milo did. I really like how she bothers to do things to the extra mile, that she bothers to tell you her opinion, that she bothers to do small acts of kindness that you won't anticipate, that she surprises you by remembering stuff important to you because she fails to remember important stuff concerning her commitments, that she doesn't care about what people will think of her,her I'failures are common and ok' attitude, I love that fact she is just so so nice. <3
I mean, she even bothered to randomly tell fat over msn today:
"hi jallene, i like your honesty and sincerity"
No one would expect her to do that, but she just does things that cause your heart to melt. :)
you give me strength you make things fly
Maybe if you don't understand how I feel, you'll think I'm nuts, I'm weird, I'm gila. But hey, if I could open up my heart for you to see, I bet you'll change your perspective by 180 degrees .
I've also been thinking about psb. The psb interview really set me thinking. How much do I really want it. How much I will go for it. I can look at you in the eye now and confidently answer ALOT. <3 PSB is so heartwarming. Like when the whole world crumbles on you, and someone gives you a hug, it can mean a hell lot. That tiny gesture can be your reason to push on. The littlest acts of kindness that may cost just minimal effort on your part, can impact someone so much that in ways you won't have imagined. Just like that sms. It didn't hurt Milo to be nice and give a little encouragement. But it left me happy till' now. It gave me that warm fuzzy feeling that is hard to come by. Because of psb, such wonderful things happen. Isn't it meaningful enough? Those intangible things that set a smile on your face, that gives you renewed hope, that sets you thinking of spreading the kindness to make someone else happy?
I really really want to help those sec ones ride through the waves. It's so heartwarming. :)
Because of the desire to get in psb, I've made a vow with myself. I have to start somewhere. I have to do something if I want to get in. With the extra workload I can't be the way that I am now. So if I manage to get in, I'm gonna procrastinate less. I'm gonna be more legal with my hair. I'm gonna try be a better person. :)
In the many ways that I hate how rgs screws us up with the suffocating workload, I love how rgs gives us that one-of-a-kind team/school spirit. That peer support, that little hope, the knowledge that we're all in this together. And even though now I wanna faint when I think of the amount of pts and freaking projects, aas etc, thinking of how your friends are always there to look out for you gives me strength. Sounds damn clishe I know, but it's true. Dug right out from the bottom of my heart. <3 For once, because of all these, I'm gonna say that my life is rich and awesome. :)
tired of chasing after things that don't belong, tired of struggling to impress, tired of trying too hard then falling so hard, tired of heartaches, tired of getting back on track, tired of facades; facades that last only to reveal the inside that you'd desperately tried to conceal
I've been thinking quite alot these few days, especially after eventful Friday that left me filled with warmth. :)
I've been thinking about psb, Milo and subject combi.
I've decided the subject combi that I want. I don't know i somehow feel good about it, but then it's really weird that I never dreamt that i would take this subject combi before.
Chem Bio History Lit. Honestly it never crossed my mind before until I asked Ting Fang on the train to school one day and she told me that it was her combi. Even after she told me I didn't have much an attachment to it. In fact I was thinking that it was a combi that I would not consider. But it ended up in my subject combi form which I already submitted. First choice. How ironic in that sense. :)
I guess there's no turning back. No turning back that I will never learn about physics in my life, that i will know absolutely zero about kinematics and all those shit (yeah it's my third choice but I'm hoping that I won't get to do this.) In a sense, I feel really wasted that I'm not taking everyone's best option- triple science. I feel my heart bleeding for the fact that I won't have as much opportunities as the rest of the school population will have. That I have just gladly cut off 1/3 of the job opportunities in the world. Honestly I still have no idea what my dream job is. In my head, I'm thinking psychiatrist, but I wanna do it because it sounds cool, not because it's my passion. I'm still waiting for a guide, a direction, where that passion will start infusing my heart and give me some sort of motivation and clue about what I want to do with life.
I think that after these few long days of serious contemplation, following what you like will get you further. It's part of Milo's motto too. Doing triple science will make you a much better person academically, but if you hate it, if you pull out all your hair over physics, if you wanna kill yourself everyday over it, if you feel apathetic about life because you can't stand studying physics, I don't see the point. What's with putting yourself through so much hell then? Maybe I'm convincing myself even now that my choice is the best so that I won't regret. But even so, I think I'm doing a good job convincing my heart. I seriously hope that I won't regret. Well, doesn't life suck by throwing you dilemmas like these? :(
I've also been analysing things that Milo did. I really like how she bothers to do things to the extra mile, that she bothers to tell you her opinion, that she bothers to do small acts of kindness that you won't anticipate, that she surprises you by remembering stuff important to you because she fails to remember important stuff concerning her commitments, that she doesn't care about what people will think of her,her I'failures are common and ok' attitude, I love that fact she is just so so nice. <3
I mean, she even bothered to randomly tell fat over msn today:
"hi jallene, i like your honesty and sincerity"
No one would expect her to do that, but she just does things that cause your heart to melt. :)
you give me strength you make things fly
Maybe if you don't understand how I feel, you'll think I'm nuts, I'm weird, I'm gila. But hey, if I could open up my heart for you to see, I bet you'll change your perspective by 180 degrees .
I've also been thinking about psb. The psb interview really set me thinking. How much do I really want it. How much I will go for it. I can look at you in the eye now and confidently answer ALOT. <3 PSB is so heartwarming. Like when the whole world crumbles on you, and someone gives you a hug, it can mean a hell lot. That tiny gesture can be your reason to push on. The littlest acts of kindness that may cost just minimal effort on your part, can impact someone so much that in ways you won't have imagined. Just like that sms. It didn't hurt Milo to be nice and give a little encouragement. But it left me happy till' now. It gave me that warm fuzzy feeling that is hard to come by. Because of psb, such wonderful things happen. Isn't it meaningful enough? Those intangible things that set a smile on your face, that gives you renewed hope, that sets you thinking of spreading the kindness to make someone else happy?
I really really want to help those sec ones ride through the waves. It's so heartwarming. :)
Because of the desire to get in psb, I've made a vow with myself. I have to start somewhere. I have to do something if I want to get in. With the extra workload I can't be the way that I am now. So if I manage to get in, I'm gonna procrastinate less. I'm gonna be more legal with my hair. I'm gonna try be a better person. :)
In the many ways that I hate how rgs screws us up with the suffocating workload, I love how rgs gives us that one-of-a-kind team/school spirit. That peer support, that little hope, the knowledge that we're all in this together. And even though now I wanna faint when I think of the amount of pts and freaking projects, aas etc, thinking of how your friends are always there to look out for you gives me strength. Sounds damn clishe I know, but it's true. Dug right out from the bottom of my heart. <3 For once, because of all these, I'm gonna say that my life is rich and awesome. :)
